Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Global Warming...Comes...on IFC

So, it’s November and the weather forecast for this week looks like this:
Mon. 50, Tues. 54, Wed. 60, Thurs. 53, Fri. 55. I’m not gonna lie, I’m enjoying the fall-ish weather, but I wonder about these folks that refuse to believe that man-made weather change is occurring. I would be ok with the whole, earth cycle, theory if the changes weren’t so drastic. But if we were really just going through a cycle, wouldn’t it be one that has been steadily changing over the past 10, 20, 50 years? Not one that has changed so drastically so quickly? And, ok, what if you’re right? If those of who don’t believe in “global warming” are right and we act upon it anyways then we end up wasting some money, developing new technologies and changing some of the power structure in this world. This is where it starts to get funny. The majority of the people who don’t believe we are destroying our planet by using our natural resources and polluting everywhere we can find are the same people who think that we should eradicate the Muslims. Last time I checked, it’s the Muslims who own all the damn oil…almost. That should be extra incentive to want to find new forms of energy for all you nutsos. I know, I know, GOD PUT THESE RESOURCES FOR US TO USE…yeah, and he put Romans here to kill Jesus, Jews to kill Muslims, Muslims to kill Westerners, Christians to kill doctors, doctors to kill children, and split-atoms to kill us all…Now what if those of us that believe we are fucking up our planet are right, but we do what the disbelievers say? Well then we eradicate ourselves due to a belief in a Flying Spaghetti Monster. I’d rather lose some money, and possibly make just as much through new technologies, than lose our planet. Mars looks kinda hot this time of year.

And now for something completely different…

Have you seen the new Kids In The Hall show, Death Comes to Town on IFC? Fucking funny! I’ve missed these guys. They are much closer to Monty Python than SNL(>2000) is to SNL (<’95) and this little 8 show series epitomizes it. They play so many different characters and are so innovative that it’s nice to see them back on TV. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, hulu, OnDemand, whatever it takes, check these guys out, even if it’s the original show from back in the day. It’s a real homage to those British boys of yesteryear.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Dirty Tea

So, have I ever told you how much I hate New Jersey?...sorry Dirty Jerz. Well, now I have. It's not just the fact that the state smells like trash. It's not just that Igby so eloquently stated that "not going to New Jersey isn't procrastination, it's common sense!". And it's not just that those morons from Jersey Shore call it their home. I-95 goes "from Maine to Florida" but to actually go from Maine to Florida, you have to "get off" 95, take the New Jersey turnpike, and then hop back on when you get to NY. The fucking thing has 1 exit every 20+ miles. To go through the whole fucking state, 122+ miles of highway, there are only...16? exits. Maybe 19. But then, you get to New York, and because you have 2 wheels in the back, they charge you 18 fucking dollars! Fuck New Jersey!

And now for something completely different.

The Tea Party...
To be perfectly honest, I'm a big fan of a lot of their ideals. The ones like holding politicians accountible, fiscal responsiblity, etc. But they are soooo misguided and it seems to me like they're just pissed a black guy is president. Where was the Tea Party when W was taking away our civil liberties and getting us stuck in 2, not 1, 2 wars? How can you be fore uplifting small businesses but then associate yourself with the party that does its best to fight for the mega-conglomerates? How do you fail to see the connection between de-regulation and the ability for these huge companies to take advantage of their workers, tax laws, the supply chain...I'm sorry do you know what the supply chain is? How can you say you want politicians to do what's best for their constituents but the back the party of NO? How can you think that trickle-down economics, which has increased the rich-poor divide and put us in this recession, will work now when it's lowered the income value over the last 20 years. Why do they think that continuing with the Republican's failed politics of the last 3 decades will make things better? Why do they think Glenn Beck is telling them the truth as there's a "Sell Your Gold" ad in the bottom right hand corner of the screen? Why do they believe all the bullshit they're fed even after they're proved wrong, ahem birthers? Why do they always throw out the 3 black Tea Partiers they know to show that they're diverse? Why do they say they're not Republicans even though there is not 1 Tea Partier running on a democratic ticket? Why do they say they're against both parties politics but then run on the Pub ticket? Why do they think it's a good idea to deny people free choice; gay marrage anyone, abortions? Why do they think that listening to idiots like Palin, Christine O'Donnell, Paladino and Rand Paul are good things? Don't they realize how stupid and provincial these people are? Why are they willing to overlook the stupidity of these people simply because they speak loudly and claim they are "just like you" and want "smaller government". How long will it take them to realize you need a powerful government to keep powerful companies in check? When will they realize that trickle up is the way to go, never, unfortunate! Tea Partiers don't make me angry, they make me disappointed. Be wary, we will all be slaves under the power of the Muslim Socialist Dictator Barack Obama! SMH...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Barack's 'Pubs

They didn’t put us here, but now a lot of you want to end progress before it’s had a chance to run its course. It seems as though a lot of American’s are fed up with our government before it’s had a chance to have an impact. Republicans have been trying to stifle progress at every turn claiming that they know how to do things better. But in all their clamoring they have yet to provide an actual alternative. All they say is “NO!” And now, because of all their yelling and the unwillingness of liberals to stoop to their level, many Americans would rather return to the party that got us in this mess than try something new. OBAMA’S A MUSLIM, SOCIALIST ANTI-AMERICAN WHO WANTS TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY… Have you forgotten so quickly who got us into this mess? Have you forgotten that it was the Republicans, with these same flawed ideals, that caused us to sink into this hole? If they created the mess with their policies of lower taxes for the rich and trickle down economics, how would re-instilling that help us? If the majority voted in this president to revamp healthcare, why would we now vote in people who want to destroy it? On top of that, why would we listen to people who are in the pockets of Pharmaceutical and Insurance companies? (sorry Glenn, forgot about the people who want to buy your gold…) Don’t you think their loyalties might be a bit awry? I don’t think the Democrats are the cat’s tuxedo but I certainly think the ‘Pubs are motivated more by money than duty. I don’t believe them when they say that they’re here for me but are unwilling to make policy moves that are in my favor. Why can’t we tax the richest people and corporations in our country? Why should we do away with the social programs that are in place to help the less fortunate? So that we can give multi-billion dollar companies tax breaks? So they can outsource the majority of their overhead? If they want to bend us over to keep their businesses here, how about we say fuck them. We should be a nation of entrepreneurs anyways! How about we let them leave and then tax the shit out of their exports to the country that taxed them too highly? Are they going to stop selling to us? Not likely! I say fuck ‘em!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Grind Crack & Dungy

You know what really grinds my gears (thank you Peter)? When people don’t help out those who are in a more difficult position. I’m talking about Pregos, Gimps, old folks, women with babies, etc. It really pisses me off when I see some mom with a stroller struggling to open a door, and there are a bunch, or just one, of people standing around acting like they can’t see her. I mean what the fuck!? I was at lunch today, eating outside cus it was just nice as hell out, when I see this mom trying to open a door and push her stroller through at the same time. While she’s doing this, this oriental guy (I know, it’s supposed to be asian but Indians are Asians too but sure as hell don’t look like Chinese people so I’m going with oriental!) is just walking around beside her not once considering opening the door. I wanted to get up and go punch the douche in the BOX! I mean really fucker, what if that was your daughter? I was about to get up from my lunch to help her out but fortunately someone else was walking out and held the door for her. People are really fucking inconsiderate. I was walking into the bank the other day and held the door for a lady who was leaving and she was shocked that I had manners. I mean really? What have parents been teaching their kids for the last 50 years (yeah 50, this shit isn’t localized to people my age)? Do we really care that little about the person standing next to us? Oh, wait, I forgot that half the country is republican…THAT’S THEIR M.O.!!! (modus operandi for those who don’t know) I’m not gonna get into politics right now, just know that republicans stand for themselves, that’s what it means to not want the government to help out the less fortunate or spend money on social issues since it doesn’t directly benefit themselves, but this lack of accountability or concern for the failures/shortcomings of your neighbor will destroy us. When everyone only cares about themselves, no one cares about you.

Ok, now lets flip this a bit…

It really cracks me up when older folks use my lingo. A good one is “what’s his face”. My boss, who’s a good bit older than I, today used that phrase and had me trying my hardest not to crack up. I mean, damn, it’s a funny phrase when my sister uses it, but him? It took some work not to laugh in his face. Not that he shouldn’t be using it or should feel ashamed, it’s just funny. It makes me wonder whether they’re using our lingo cus it’s cool or if we took it from them for the same reason. It’s like douche. I heard these older guys use it at lunch. My mom claims it’s from her generation or before, but it just seems to innovative for it to have come from any generation other than my own…;P. It just goes to show, some things are timeless…like Stacey Dash…mmm, Stacey Dash, gimme summa dat! But I digress, when you get to that age where kids are wondering, let them know who the real verbal pioneers were…us motherfucker!

And now for something completely different…

Football is finally back! I know, I know, you thought this day would never come, me neither. But alas, here it is. My football related thought from last night, man I can’t stand Tony Dungy. If he isn’t just the epitome of a holier-than-thou, stuck-up, shit-don’t-stank, Peyton Manning butt buddy, can’t-coach-the-best-team-to-a-superbowl-more-than-once douche, then I don’t know what is. This guy just really pisses me off. If he’s not talking shit about other teams or players not on his team, then he’s using his GM’s influence to change rules or creating an atmosphere where it’s ok to blame players who aren’t at fault as opposed to starting at the top and trickling down. He’s like the church folks who cheat on their spouses but then talk shit cus you like to drink or cuss. Here’s a big ole FUCK YOU to Tony Dungy!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Little Break Much?

Wow it's been a long fucking time. Since the last time we saw eachother I've gone on tour with my sister's band on the west coast, drank 548 gallons of alcohol, decided we are no longer saying lol, it's now plop, and miraculously BP has actually stopped spewing millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico...and America seems to have forgotten about it...well except for those millions of inhabitants around the Gulf who won't be seeing clean beaches or fresh fish for a few decades. Where are we now, 4.9 million barrels of lost oil later? Well, it came from the ground, it'll surely return there with no ill effects. Funny that when I look up British Petroleum on Google, their website offers this bit of clairvoyance: "Aug 25, 2010 ... BP is in the Gulf to stay". Um...no shit guys! After seeing how fucked that small town in Alaska is after the Exxon Valdese spill (260K-750K barrels spilled, btw), I have no doubt that BP will still be in the Gulf in a couple decades, one way or another.

And Scene! Now for something completely different!

Pocket/drunk dialing is a phenomenon that has been plaguing society since Alex Bell first gave the miraculous TELEPHONE to his soon to be ex-girlfriend. It was a great device and they used to talk every night before going to bed. Then Alex said her blouse made her look fat, she cried, they broke up. That night Alex got drunk and…voila, the drunk dial was created. Since there were only 2 phones in the world, it was hard to forget her number, and thus drunk dialing was something one could only avoid by passing out at your buddies place. As the years progressed, the numbers got longer and more complicated, but peoples’ ability to remember these numbers stayed in tact, even after 12 Jager Bombs. Today, however, with the invention of cell phones with 50,000 # memory banks, people are more likely to forget the number for 911 than remember their ex’s. For this reason, it baffles me when people drunk dial, or pocket dial I guess…, but don’t want to talk to the person who they called.
“Huh, a missed call from a number I don’t know? Let me call it!” Ring Ring!
“Hi, you’ve reached Nancy, I’m not available now, please leave a message”
‘Nancy, huh? I haven’t talked to her in ages…well, let me leave a message, she must have called because she wanted to talk to me…right? “Hey Nancy, it’s Alex, saw you called, give me a call back when you get a minute.”’

1 week later, no return call.

Dial, dial, dial…Ring Ring! “Um hey Nancy, how’s it going, this is Alex? Call me when you get a chance.”

1 week later, no return call.

‘Well shit, why’d you call me in the first place? I knew I shoulda kept her number deleted!’

See, Alex had it the right way. After he drunk dialed her a few times a month back, he deleted her number from his phone. He knew he didn’t have it memorized and would therefore never be able to dial this chick who he had no intention of talking to sober… (Translates to: this chick who didn’t want to talk to him sober). So from now on, boys and girls, if you don’t want to talk to someone and you have a problem with pocket or drunk dialing, delete their number. (This has been a public service announcement from eHarmony)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I'll take 'd', Bob.

Video killed the radio star? Well netflix killed the iaoos star. As you can see in my previous post, I'm not the biggest fan of writing anyways, but 2 months just isn't acceptable. Well, I'm back now, and I'd say I'm going to make a more concerted effort to update this bitch but I'm not going to lie to you. It's funny that I'm no better at updating an online journal than I am a hand-held one. My mom tried a few times to get me to write in a journal, but after about a month it'd be done with. I think I have like 3 or 4 journals that are about 1/20th filled. Pathetic, I know. I'm always kind of confused what to write, though, also. I imagine there's no "right" way to keep a journal, but do I write to it like it's my psychiatrist? "Hey journal, I've been really drunk lately, I wake up to a shot of cuervo and go to sleep to a shot of jack. I love my life, don't you?" I dunno, and come to think of it, I don't care. Well, I don't think I care at least. And now that I'm rambling, can you ramble when writing or is it a verbal thing, I wonder who I'm writing this for... Am I writing it for you? You being the 1 person who reads this every 6 months. Or am I writing it for myself? Future generations? It'd be a bit conceited of me to think that anyone else actually cares what I have to write, but if I'm writing it for myself, does that make my quasi-schizo (pronounced skitzo), memory problems? Lame? All of the above? I'll take 'd', Bob.

And now for a Boston area book report:
For my report I read Oliva Twist. Queea name, I know, the book wuznt haaf baad.

And now for something completely different.

I'm going camping this weekend for memorial day. I'm not sure if it's a reminiscience type of thing, but I fucking love camping. When I was younger we'd go camping at least once every summer, and it's just fun. When I look back, I have so many great memories from camping. Gathering wood for the fire, starting it from scratch (no girlscout starter), sitting back drinking a beer, fooling around with the pretty girls who were camping too, swimming with dolphins, white-water rafting, bike riding, sleeping in a dry tent during a downpour (no better way to sleep...almost). I don't normally get "excited" for things. You know that feeling you used to get as a kid, kind of a fuzzy feeling in your chest, yeah, well I don't get it any more. But this is close to making it come back.

P.S. I don't know if you know this about me, but Fuck The Jets!!!! Just thought I'd throw that in there. Night folks.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Little Bits Of Me

So yet again, it's been a little while since I've posted. I'm not sure why, but it've never been the biggest fan of writing. I don't know what it is about it, I just don't really enjoy it as much as some people I know. It might have something to do with my sensibilities. I'm not one to find interest in sharing the mundane. You know how there are some people who can just ramble on and on about every little thing that happens to them, and even make it interesting, well, I'm not one of those people. But that is also why I force myself to come on here and blurt something out. Cus shit, you don't have to be here reading this if you don't want to, so I guess this is more for me; this is here to organize my thoughts and for me to look back upon when I get bored. If anyone else happens to enjoy it, well then that's just good for them, I'm glad I could help. But now, if that's the case, then I'm writing to myself...for my own enjoyment...I guess I've just reaffirmed the title.

So, we've seen some pretty momentous changes since I last posted on here. The viciously attacked "ObamaCare" was voted into law. The 'pubs fought and fought, lied time and again, and still couldn't stop from happening what we the people wanted pushed through. At one point the rally cry was that "83% of Americans didn't support the Health Care Bill". Republicans were calling pro-life Dem's Baby Killers, later this guy claimed he yelled "this bill is a baby killer" even though everyone, inluding CSpan, only caught the baby killer part; they were calling this bill the epitome of Socialism, saying it would bankrupt our nation and undermine all of the American values. For a whie, their rhetoric was working too. None of the 'Publicans were going to vote for the bill and some of the Dems were against it too. But then we got involved. We being the same bad motherfuckers who started the Obama Grass Roots Movement that got the man elected in the first place. We made calls, disputed the lies with facts, and let those fearmongers on FOX News know we couldn't be bullied and lied to. We let them know we wouldn't allow their bullshit any longer. Just to let you know, this we is the same we that failed to call out Bush, Cheney, Halliburton etc. before, but hey, you can't win em all...especially when the WH has the country convinced that going against your president is tantamount to going against your country. But we won this one for the gimper, haha. But really, this is the first step in taking our country back from the big businesses and putting it in the hands of the people. No this bill isn't perfect. It doesn't have single payer or the public option. There will still be Americans who aren't included, but it's a start. We have achieved something that has been 30+ years in the making. We have struck the first blow against the Insurance and Pharmaceutical Companies and next time we're coming even stronger. The most important role in a democracy is that of citizen!

And now for something not as close to my heart but much closer to my soul...I went to a Rangers-Islanders game about a week and a half ago. I'm not sure if you're aware of it or not, but I'm blessed with some damn good friends. One of these invited me to this a good month ago. I haven't been to a hockey game in god know how long and as soon as I got down near that ice, something came over me. My buddy is an avid Islanders fan, so per her suggestion we got there to see the skate around. This allowed us to venture muuuuch closer than our tickets would later allow. Seeing freshly zambonied ice, to a former hockey player, is as alluring as wine to a frenchman. Being the first one to cut through the ice is inexplicable. If you've never done it, you won't understand. But then those guys came spilling out to start taking shots on net. Let me put it this way, there's a reason why fathers try to live vicariously through their children. There's something about the experience of playing sports competitively that just grabs you by the nuts and never lets go. The Rangers ended up crushing the Isles 5-0, but it didn't matter, just being there was enough. Sure she was salty at first, but then, once the shock of the first 3 goals wore through, we were both just as happy as the other to be in the presence of the gift that is the NHL.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Armageddon QB Debating

Are we approaching the end of the world? Is this judgement day I see around the corner? No, probably not, but I do find it odd that in just a few weeks there were devastating earthquakes in Haiti, Chile and Turkey, an expected Tsunami in Hawaii (ended up not being as drastic as they had feared), and a friggin hurricane in NYC. Sure the "hurricane" just barely reached the threshold for wind speed, but if you were here, you know how bad it really was, especially for the North East. My buddy has been clearing downed trees for the last week. To really solidify how bad the storm was: 1) my umbrela broke the wrong way. By this, I mean that while they usually break by turning inside out, the wind was pusing down on my umbrela, as if to close it, and that's how it broke. 2) My afore mentioned buddy's neighbor had a 100+ foot oak in his back yard. Notice I said "had". Yes, it fell. When they were cutting it up, one of the limbs, about 5' in diameter, had 68 rings. For those of you who don't know, that means that limb ALONE was 68 years old. I posted a question on my fb status after all these earthquakes asking if maybe our pilfering of mother nature's natural lubricant, oil, might be contributing to these earthquakes. I wasn't totally serious, it was more just to make people think, but what if? Apparently that Chile quake pushed us off our axis...And I'm definately a believer in "Man Induced Weather Change" (Global Warming) which would account for the NY hurricane. I don't think it's the end of the world/man kind, but if it is, I'm pretty sure it's our own fault. If you're an atheist I suggest you start talking to God/Yaweh/Allah/Zeus just in case.

I was just reading an article from before the Super Bowl that was stating that Peyton Manning is a better QB than Tom Brady, an opion I will fight against as long as they are playing and I believe it to be true, and I was going to come on here and prove my point through statistics and their analysis, but now I just don't feel like it. I will do it at some point just so I have a place online to refer people to, but just not now. I do wonder, however, if the guy, Dan Shaugnessey, still feels like that after Peyton so typically lost the game, along with Reggie Wayne's help, at the end like that. Now, that is a bit of a loaded statement, I truely don't believe any football game hinges on one play; If the D had stopped the other team that play wouldn't have mattered; The other Offense sure did a good job of scoring; The other D made nice plays; but with people anointing the guy when he's 1 Patriots Defensive meltdown from not haveing any rings...I mean, jeez, he's 9-9 in the playoffs with a sub 90 QB rating.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Samurai Tea Baggers

Almost a full month, now that's more like me. Why haven't I been on here? Well, to be honest, it has a lot to do with Samurai Champloo. To be frank, I've been spending my spare internet time watching the complete Samurai Champloo series on Hulu. Alien God save the creators of Hulu...and Alec Baldwin. For those of you not in the know, Samurai Champloo is a cartoon created by super-genius ShinichirĊ Watanabe, actualy said the other way around since he's Japanese but written that way since I'm not, creator of the other transcendent cartoon series, Cowboy Bebop. If you've never seen either...you're missing out. Samurai Champloo is 26 episodes of greatness. I guess it helps if you like cartoons, but that's besides the point. Hulu was kind enough to post all 26 episodes, honestly when I started watching them online it was on...Funimation I believe, and so I've been spending a large portion of my time watching them. No, that's not all I've been doing, I've been following the Olympics and NFL Free Agency as well, but yeah, that's about it. Another reason for not coming on here is because I just haven't felt like it, ok? Well fuck you then, I don't need to justify myself to you. Nuh-Unh I do what I want!

Oh, my time has also been spent conversing with a Tea Bagger...no, sorry, Tea Partier. My bad, I always get them mixed up...It all started when I posted something in support of the "Death-To-America-Through-Socialism-Health-Care-Bill". Wow, that was a handful. It's amazing what the Tea Party people come up with to scare one another. I promise you that I read a 56 page "book", it was more of a thesis in my opinion, about how Obama is a Socialist trained by this guy Saul Alinsky to undermine the American way and destroy our country. The funny thing is, it was only about Alinsky and never really connected Obama to him except that when Obama was in Chicago he worked for some guys that worked for Alinsky. Oh, and Alinsky died in like 1973...Obama was 11. So, a quick rundown of some facts and opinions. Alinsky was a community organizer, uh oh, Jesus and Obama were too, they're all connected...oh, wait, no, take Jesus out of there, we like him. Basically he went from poor area to poor area, Harlem, South Side Chicago, South Central LA, trying to get the inhabitants to better their lives and to get liberal, another word for DEADLY SOCIALIST, college students, i.e. hippies, to help out these less fortunate people, i.e. minorities. His main point was not to try and make a scene, but to change things from the inside. Now, of course I'm not one of the conspiracy theorists so I'm giving you a dulled down version of this "book". But I wanted to be fair to the guy who sent it to me, yeah he was a bit too "progressive" and sent me something that I was supposed to buy, so I read through the whole damn thing and made notes on how it was misleading, or just plain incorrect. If I had tried to hand in something like that in HS or College I would been lucky to get a c+, but hey, no one said conspiracy theories had to be well thought out. Unfortunately, once the first post was put out there, I felt it was my duty to discredit all of the other bull shit the extreme right is putting out there to try to villify Barack...notice that, Barack this time, not Obama, denotes a personal connection. I'll be quick cus I imagine most of you don't care. 1) "Birthers" - His birth certificate is fake and he's not really an American citizen. - Multiple judges have thrown this ludacris case out becasue numerous people in Hawaii have testified to its authenticity. Don't you think the FBI and CIA and NSA are sophisticated enough to figure out if he's a natural born citizen. And you people are going to take off of work to march down to Washington to demand he quit?! Aren't we in a recession, a time where a large portion of our population is unemployed...on sencond thought, march all you want. I'm sure there is a slew of people who'd love your jobs. But seriously, where were you when Bush was actually taking away our civil liberties? From what I've heard, from Tea Bagg-Partiers, almost effed up again, you all want change. A change from what got us into this mess. Yet now that we've got a guy in office who's trying to change things and all of a sudden you want him out? So do you want change or just more of the same, because it seems to me like despite what you say, you want 4 more years of Bush. 2) Damnit, now because of my diatribe I've forgotten what my #2 was gonna be. Oh well, I'll just leave it at 1 for now then. Oh, yeah, don't forget that you guys are rallying around Sarah Palin...The one who quit her post when things got a little hairy...the one who says that Alaska is the "real" America...the one who supported a group of Alaskan Seccessionists...The one who knows foreign policy because she can "see Russia from her window"...that Sarah Palin...The one the rest of us made fun of because of how dumb she is. Please, if you're reading this and you're one of the Tea Partiers, stop believing everything Rush and Glenn tell you (especially Glenn, at least Rush is a news person, Glenn is an ENTERTAINER not a journalist) and do some research for yourself. Don't believe everything you're told because it's coming from someone getting paid to tell you it and don't believe everything you read just because it's typed, including this.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Barack Procrastinating While Drunk in a V-Neck

Two weeks...I'm not sure if that's a long time or not. I feel like it's been ages since I posted on here, but it's only been two weeks. Maybe the problem is that I've had things I wanted to post but kept on procrastinating, and I therefore have let it eat at me and make the time seem longer. (A bit about me) I've had big problems with procrastination since I was little. I noticed it with homework. I'd put it off until the last minute, do a half-assed job and get a grade reflecting that. Before I got to HS I had noticed my problem and decided to fix it. For a long time I've been a believer in the power of suggestion/mind power. People are able to euthanize themselves simply through telling themselves that they are going to die. The same with hypochondriacs. They tell themselves they are getting sick and end up making themselves sick just because the mind is that powerful. So when I was younger I decided that I'd tell myself to change, and that that would do it. So after years of telling myself not to procrastinate, I can actually see a difference. The problem is that I'll let off sometimes, like with this blog, but I've conditioned myself to...I guess, give myself a hard time for doing so. So, there's my shpeal to start this off, now on to the meat...

So, I went out drinking a couple weeks ago. It was after work and I was gonna just have 1 or 2, but then I get to talking to the people next to me, and next thing I know some guy starts buying drinks for all of us and voila, I'm drunk. As I'm finally getting ready to go he tells me he's headed uptown to this Dominican bar where there will be a bunch of hot Dominican women and I should join him. At the very least I'll be able to grab a free cab uptown. I didn't really want to go out to another bar, I had to work the next day, but shit, free cab ride, more free drinks, lets go, why not? So we get up there, and, surprise, surprise, the baddest chick in the place looked like a fucking ogre. He bought me a Corona, I downed it and said "sorry dude, I gotta go" and bounced. Now, like I said, i was already drunk before I touched my lips to the Corona, but downing one more did it. Let me just clarify a little. I got out of work at 11. By 1 I had gone through...5 16oz PBRs and 1 Corona. So I leave the bar trying to find a subway entrance. Only problem is I don't know what fucking borough I'm in. I'm drunk, it's warm-ish (for February at least) so I decide to just walk west since I figure I must be in the bronx. I have no music so I decide to call my friend Gwen who I hadn't talked to in a while. She just had twins a couple months ago so she's on a weird sleep schedule so I figured she might be up. I was right, we talked, I make it home unharmed. The next day I get a text that asking if I'm alright...Gwen and I used to date so I'm afraid I said something I wouldn't have without alcohol's influence. She doesn't answer...apparently "somebody threw a box down @ you while you were lost (in Bronx). Haha. I was like 'did it hurt?' you go (in drunk pascal whisper voice...) "YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT?? THE FUCKED UP THING IS YES GWEN. YES. IT DID HURT. AND THERE'S STILL LUNCHABLES IN THE BOX...WHO THROWS AWAY HALF A BOX OF LUNCHABLES? Would it be wrong of me to eat it?" Luckily Gwen was looking out for me and I did not eat it. But really, who throws half a box of lunchables at some drunk guy walking down the street?

On to Health Care.

I'm not going to debate socialism or how Barack is a terrorist and eats newborn white children and is systematically planning the downfall of our nation, I've just got a story to tell. I was leaving work...huh, another one of these...and decided to stop into the bar around the corner for a drink...or three. As I'm leaving a larger white woman approaches me. I've seen her out here asking for money before and I believe I've given her a dollar or two, but she asks again, this time as I'm putting away my debit card, I just payed the bartender. I say I don't have any cash, and she says she just needs enough for a bus ride home, and would I mind putting it on my card. A bit intrusive, but I've been down and she seems nice enough, so I guess i can afford to buy her a 7 dollar ticket home. Plus she's going to dirty Jerz so I feel bad for her regardless. But then she starts to tell me her story. She was pregnant and her baby was killing her. The doctors said they would have to stop the baby's heart or it would kill her. There's a 1 in 300,000 chance that doing this procedure would destroy her kidneys, so she does it. As I'm sure you've guessed she's that 1. So now, she's lost her baby and she has to do dialisys 6 days a week. So that's problem 1. Problem 2 is that when she was younger, she's 30 now, she knew this guy who was a drug dealer and had gotten caught by the cops. To get himself out of doing major time he aggreed to be a snitch. He told them that he knew of this chick who was big time and that he'd help take her down. He calls her up, Brandi, and asks for a ride to the bus station. Puts his suit cases in the trunk of her car and gets in. She turns the corner and is surrounded by cops. They find 100 lbs of drugs in the trunk of her car, so now she can't get state aid because of the felony drug charge. So she has to come into NY and say she's homeless so that she can get healthcare. But, because she's "homeless", she can't get any other kind of aid from NY. It just seems like a shit situation and I thought I should share it.

And now for something completely different...

Am I wrong when I see a V-Neck T-Shirt with short sleeves and I assume it's a women's shirt? I've been seeing guys working out in these, and it looks really effeminate. My sister offered to give me a brand new leather she's never worn, but i couldn't because it looked too much like a chick's coat. I personally can't do it and I don't understand why these guys think it's ok. This whole "European metrosexual" style is really getting out of hand. Murses (male purses), V-Neck T's, nail polish...what's going on? And these guys claim to be straight? Unless you're dating the likes of Carmen Electra or Apollo, dressing like a woman is not ok...well, unless you're a cross dresser??? I guess??? Open-minded??? No, can't do it, I'm sorry but while I try to eschew societal provinciality (avoid societal narrow mindedness), wearing women's clothing is still just wrong to me. It's not made for you, that's just the case. It's like a woman wearing a jock strap. So just to let you know, when I see you in it, I'm gonna laugh, tell my friends and put it in my blog. If you don't care, good for you. If you do, stop shopping in the women's section. Next you're gonna tell me those pumps are to strenghthen your calves and the T.O. chazzberry lip gloss is to keep your lips from getting chapped...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Dead Monkeys and Illegitimate Children

So Adrienne's showing me her iphone monkey app and explaining how she missed her stop yesterday because she was feeding her monkey. So she goes to feed the monkey and the damn thing dies. One friggin banana and it just drops dead, nice one Adrienne. This is not a good omen for her cat...living, not electronic. I mean, if you feed your fake pet to the point of death, what's going to happen to your real one?

Speaking of food, I just got back from lunch. I got a minestrone soup and a meatball parm...mmmmm. Well, honestly it was just...eh...but that's besides the point. When I get in there, the maitre'd...if you can really call him that, I mean it's a pooty italian restaurant...is talking to a man and his son as they're getting ready to leave. They're talking about their kids and such and...
M'd - "So you have two kids?"
Guy - "No, he(indicating the boy with him) and the other one are twins."
M'd - "Oh so you have 3 kids?"
Guy - "Yeah...well, that I know of at least. For all I know I've got a whole bunch running around, but as far I know I've got three, heh."
Now, I've used this "joke" many times with friends and aquaintances;
"You got any kids?"
"Not that I know of" guffaw, guffaw.
but it was a bit shocking for me to see it being used by a 45+ guy in front of his kid. I'm no psychologist or anything, but I really think this sends the wrong message, no? I mean, ok, Dad was a pimp, good for him, but talking about the slew of illegitimate children that might be running around while you're with your son just seems tacky, but that's just me.

Oh, and it's a "joke" cus chicks are scandalous and it's not unheard of...ahem...for a girl to get prego and not tell the daddy. Oh and that ahem was not for any of you upstanding women reading this, it was for you Carlos, you know who you are.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Mexicans and Drugs

So I learned a lot last night at a little Mexican restaurant over on Broadway, the most interesting concerning gypsies. Apparently, if my source is to be believed, they were the workers for the Ottoman Army when it was taking over all of Europe. Since they're more nomadic than not, they'd stick around after the army left...I feel this is the beginning of a very boring post so I'll stop there. I swear it was much more interesting last night, but maybe it was the company more than the story...idk...

So I was talking to my sister about drugs the other day and I was professing that I didn't take drugs. My argument was that I don't take any of the crap the pharmaceutical companies put out and claim will help, side effects include explosive diarrhea and spontaneous combustion of the genitals, and I don't take any of the street drugs, i.e. heroin and meth etc., but then she brought up the kicker. "What about alcohol, what about caffein? They're both drugs and I know you consume both." And that's true, I do, which makes me wonder whether we should not be generalizing these substances the way we do. Wikipedia says that weed and cocaine are both considered narcotics, but should they really be in the same group? And then OxyContin and Heroin, shouldn't they be in the same category regardless of whether one is legal or not? The real problem is that these are catch-phrase words, drugs, narcotics. They're spawn of the "War On Drugs". Quick side note, how long has the war on drugs been going on? since '69? If that's the case maybe we should rethink our "War on Terrorism", I don't want it taking the war on drugs path. But I digest...hehe family guy reference...we as a people really need to start taking a more realistic view on things like drugs because the majority of us are fooling ourselves into thinking that just because it comes with a label it's ok and because it comes in a sandwich bag it's not...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

It's an oldie but a goodie

Is It NBA Or NFL?

36
have been accused of spousal abuse

7
have been arrested for fraud

19
have been accused of writing bad checks

117
have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3
have done time for assault

71, repeat 71
cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14
have been arrested on drug-related charges

8
have been arrested for shoplifting

21
currently
are defendants in lawsuits, and

84
have been arrested for drunk driving
in
the last year

Can
you guess which organization this is, NFL or NBA?

Give
up yet?

Neither,
it's the 435 members of the
United States Congress


The
same group of Idiots that crank out
hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Tiger's a joke


I was on the subway yesterday when I saw something that had me ROLLING. I believe the chick was reading Vanity...and who's on the cover? Tiger Woods. Now what about this is funny? If you're asking this question, you must not have seen the cover. This man is standing with his shirt off with a black beanie on flexing looking like he's half way through bicep curls. I'm like, WHAAAAAT!!?? What has happened to this man? I remember when he was coming out of Stanford, I used to really like him. Not only was there the fact that the best golfer in the world is black, but he seemed like a down to earth guy who was really talented and really driven. Now here we are years later, post "I'm not black", post I cheated on my wife with a slew of chicks, and his old ass looking self is trying to do the Genuine on the Vanity magazine cover. Please! Tiger is starting to resemble A-Rod more than Nicklaus. Whoever is his PR person needs to be fired, like asap.

So the Pats are getting their asses handed to them. Well, they're kinda playing well but Tom has turned the ball over 4 times, 3 in the first quarter. Not a good way to start a playoff game. At least the D showed up today. I didn't think the Ravens had it in them but they've just been making plays left and right. Not the best way to finish off the decade but, hey, it happens. At least I'm not a Raiders or Lions fan, that must just be unendurable. Well, here's to next year.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

1/2 & 1/2 & 5 Sugars

How about we stop faking?! When you go into the bodega, say it with me now bo-dega, and order a coffee with Half and Half and 5 sugars we all know you really want to order a hot chocolate. You're not fooling anyone. It's not like I'm some coffee junkie or anything. In fact, I hardly even drink the stuff; the main reason for this is that I've had GOOD coffee before and the majority of this shit we drink in the States is pure crap. Starbucks? It's burnt ass! They over roast the beans and blend the shit-stank out of them. If you're one of the people who loves the shit...well, good for you, they say ignorance is bliss. Yes, I've been spoiled with the good stuff, but why settle anyways? Just to feed your addiction? Well, I guess I can buy that. When I was a smoker I'd smoke the shit cigarettes to feed mine, so ok. But still, back to the original guy. If you're getting Half and Half and 5 sugars it seems like you don't even like the shit. It's like you're only getting it because that's what all the other grown-ups do. I remember when I was like 12 pretending to like coffee because my parents were drinking it...but I was 12!!! Don't flodge, be you. If you want tea, get it, if you want cocoa, get it!

And Now For Something Completely Different

Playoffs!?! Playoffs?!? Yes, the playoffs start today. NFL for those of you on the dark side of mars...or in oakland. And once again, my Pats are in it again after a 1 year break. From what I'm seeing/reading no one is giving them a chance, especially after Wes went down, :'(. Could this maybe be a good thing? The last time there was this much doubt was in 2001 and we all know how that turned out. The big difference, though, is that team had multiple 1st round vets on D where as this is a bunch of rooks...we'll see. They've been downtalked all year even though they've been top 10 the whole time so we'll see if my impression is mis-guided and I'm just being a homer. I sure as shit hope not. IBWT, In Bill We Trust, right? If there's anyone that's gonna take this team deep it's him. And no one else is really that much stronger for me to definitively say we're over matched. At any rate, this should prove to be a good postseason regardless, no not irregardless damnit, of when the Pats lose their next game, this winter or fall.

And Now For Something Completely Different

A little lesson to those of you not in the know.
Irregardless is redundant and not proper usage of your vocabulary. ALL YOU NEED TO SAY IS REGARDLESS!!!!
They're = They are; i.e. They're going to the game later.
Their = possession; i.e. Their game was canceled due to lightning.
There = a place; i.e. The endzone is not here, it's there.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Chicken, Kate Nash and more Chicken

Ok, we'll start today out with a little advice. Do not, I repeat, do not go to your in house workout facility to defrost your chicken in the sauna. That is just wrong. I'm not sure what has happened to people over the last decade or two, but I'm pretty sure that in 1993 this sort of activity was frowed upon. People, if you could please act as if you have some common sense, I'd personally appreciate it. And if you need a quick way to defrost chicken, or any meat for that matter, put it in a bowl of luke-warm water. Whether it's wrapped in plastic or naked, it'll defrost it in a half hour or so.

I am really digging Kate Nash. The music is cool and her accent just does something for me. And even more, I love Pandora, it just knows what I want to hear...sigh...I love the Stones!

So, I was talking to my mom earlier, and I have to make this prediction. If the Pats win the SB this year Randy Moss is retiring, if not he will retire no matter what next season.

So yesterday I brought to work what I had believed was a plate of Ratatoille with chicken and pasta (no not the afore mentioned chicken). I was so excited, you would be too if you'd ever had some bangin ratatoille, to eat my dinner, I was thinking about it before I even got to work. So I'm taking it out of my bag to put in the fridge, and quelle surprise, it's nothing but chicken. I'm talking about a box of half-cooked redish, from the tomatoes, chicken. That's it, no side, no veggies, no nothing! Ooh, my despair was unfathomable. It was suggested I get some dollar rice from the chinese place around the corner, but that just doesn't begin to addresse my problem. It wasn't the chicken I was looking forward to. It wasn't the pasta, it was the ratatoille. I was considering it for the majority of my shift and decided to just say fuck it, take it home and grab some pizza on the way. The upside of not eating it last night, though, is that now I've got it for dinner tonight :-D. This is a happy frenchman. The only thing that'd make me happier for dinner is some red wine, some soft camembert or roquefort and a pretty smile. But hey, if you got everything you wanted in life you'd be Paris Hilton, and no one wants that.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Aja

Talk about showing some love. My buddy Beens had his birthday party last night at this "asian fusion cuisine"/Club last night. How those two mix is beyond me, and evidently beyond the diners there last night too. Doors opened at 11pm, we didn't get there till like 11:30 ish. As we're walking in, however, there is as much of a migration out as in, just a different demographic in each line. To put it bluntly, A Bronx Tale was leaving while Harlem Nights was coming in. Apparently, by catering to a hip sushi loving crowd early on and the club hoppers late, the unsuspecting patrons are rudely ripped from their quiet, raw dinners by deep resounding booms that sound "like two midgets in the back seat rasselin." But, so anyways, it was pretty sparse at first when I was there, but not to soon after getting there, I was finding it hard to manuever my way through the crowd. Then Beens gets there, and I realize that a good %85 of people where there for him...maybe more. And that's love. I can feel it in my fingas, I can feel it in my toes...not really, but it was nice to see all those folks come out.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Starting Over Again

Ok. I tried this out before but didn't keep up with it and subsequently lost it. Come to think of it, I believe it was with this same website...damn google erasing my shit. At any rate, if you're coming here to read my blog, you must know me or be really bored. If it's the latter, I'd suggest a good book. Try The Giver. A coworker and I were discussing how much we both like it. I mentioned how most people I talk to about it have never read it. But I digest...So here we are on the cusp of a new decade and I have decided to actively try to keep up a blog. Throughout my younger life my mom tried time and time again to get me to keep a journal. She would buy me these wonderful leather-bound journals to collect my thoughts, and they'd pretty much go to waste. I might write in one for a couple weeks, but then it'd sit buried somewhere for the next few years until I pop it open to see that for some reason I was writing about how my toe-jam smelled 3 years ago (it still smells the same btw). So here is my attempt at an online journal that I will do my best to keep up to date. I'll try to have a bit of everything in here, but it's mine so it will probably more likely be a long diatribe dealing with why Tom Brady is a better QB than Peyton Manning...haha just kidding. While Tom is by far better, I'll try to refrain from subjecting you to that debate. If, by any chance, I upset/disrespect/annoy/anger/nauseate or discomfort you at all, too fucking bad, this is my blog, not yours. If you don't like what I have to say, then don't fucking read it. But leave me a comment telling me you don't like it because I want to know you don't like me, that way I can dislike you too.